Retired equipment, Homer, AK.

Like Warren Zevon said, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” God knows, I enjoy a peaceful night of sleep, or at least to rest in comfort when the night seems too long, then not long enough.

What I mean is that I intend not to slow down and not to wear out. This takes effort. It can be tiring.

There’s new technology—daily updates as the software and hardware companies I buy from now do their dead-level best to keep me informed. Adobe, Apple, and Dell. Blackbaud. GoDaddy and Google, LogMeIn. Microsoft, MozyHome, and McAfee. Skype. Constant Contact.

Appliance manufacturers reach out continuously. They ask me to rate their products and services. The other day I was invited to rate how well I liked the oven’s self-cleaning feature. Going through that online survey, I got the idea that this is not going to work well when I get around to using it. There’s a bug in there. Betcha. I stopped answering questions when I had to select which type of electrical outlet the stove is plugged into. I was not about to move the stove, because I did not want to risk disconnecting the gas line.

Maintaining health and appearance. Oh, God, that too.  Exercise constantly, eat a healthful diet (notice that I did not say “healthy diet” – that really bugs me). Hell’s bells: it’s all a challenge. You know what I mean.

Not losing touch with popular culture. That’s a biggie, and I am definitely disconnected from some new performers. Of course not Miley Cyrus of the rude tongue, or Justin Bieber (“Justa Beaver” as I heard the Alaskateers say before they developed what seem to be adult brains inside their little kid bodies).  Granted, Justin and Miley aren’t new anymore.

Scanning tabloid headlines as I go through the grocery check-out line is some help, and I take advantage of magazines in the waiting area at Alyeska Tire & Automotive. Some of these are a year old, but unless I take my own reading material, they’ll do. Occasionally I read an article in a hunting magazine. Why the heck not?

My to-do list goes on and on, and if self-maintenance one day becomes my vocation, its loftier purpose is that I won’t be a burden to my family.  But it’s about me too. I want to have fun, be fun. I want to be a rolling stone.


I get Rolling Stone magazine’s online newsletter. Check out The Arcade Fire performing on Jimmy Fallon’s new Tonight Show. Apologies for the commercial, and who knows which one you’ll get. First time I watched, it was for a dog breath freshener. A puppy drank out of a toilet bowl. Second time, Pizza Hut; that looked delicious.

Copyright 2014. Genie Hambrick